Posts Categorized: personal: health

When No Sleep & Anxiety Make Everything Worse

March 18, 2017 Katie A personal: anxiety, personal: bipolar disorder, personal: health, personal: mental health 0 Comments

Look, I’m gonna be completely honest in this post… and I’m not ever going to apologize for it. I’m tired of feeling like I have to sugar coat my experiences or hide them.

I’m done with it. You can take it or leave it.

That being said…

My anxiety lately has been wild, and it doesn’t help that I haven’t been sleeping well and when I do sleep, it isn’t for long, I have nightmares or I keep waking up and can’t go back to sleep.

It’s draining. It’s exhausting.

It’s hard to balance and to find any sort of a routine when I’ve got this on my plate. I either sleep all day before work, or don’t sleep at all and just lay there miserable.

When I come home, I just go right back into my room – needing that quiet and ability to turn “off” and have my own space, my own times, my own routine.

And while the endometriosis has really been manageable since surgery in August, anxiety and no sleep really do take a toll on your body and your health.

I’m depressed. I’m anxious. I’m moody.

I can’t eat. I’ve lost weight.

I’m on edge almost constantly.

I have no focus. I have a hard time just watching television.

The little things will set me off.. the last couple of days it’s been people asking me a million questions about every little thing I do, or assuming things without asking.

The fact that my period is coming soon just makes it worse, which is something I am really just now beginning to realize. I’m so on edge right now and nothing is taking that edge away.

My anxiety med doesn’t even do anything for me anymore, it doesn’t even make me sleepy (yes, I’m going to bring that up to my new psychiatrist when I see her).

The worst part about the anxiety and insomnia right now is how they often go hand in hand, and the worse one gets, the other is soon to follow.

It’s a draining process that I’m fighting, even when I feel like giving up.

I’m exhausted, overwhelmed, on edge, feeling broken and feeling like a burden.

And while I have been here before and will be here again (and again and again and again…), it never gets easier, and sometimes, to be honest, it feels like it only gets harder.

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I Will Still Rise: Surgery, Complications and Recovery

October 12, 2016 Katie A personal: health, personal: that spoonie life 1 Comment

endoTwo months ago today, I went into the operating room for a surgery I had been trying to get for a year.

At that point in time, my health had continued to decline, and it was declining faster and faster as time went on.I saw an amazing nurse practitioner who listened as I cried, explaining at a 7am appointment about how miserable I was. I had been in the ER the night before due to the pain. She told me that I had gone through more than anyone else should ever have to endure, and that while she couldn’t do much for me as a nurse, she could refer me to a doctor and start me on the path to surgery.

The doctor I ended up seeing after two rounds of blood work, two ultrasounds and a month of anxiously waiting while dealing with the daily pain from endometriosis made it very clear at that appointment that she had no interest or plan in even helping me have somewhat of a normal life.

She told me:

I was fat.

That OTC pain killers would cure all the pain (yeah, okay).

She told me to come back in three months, and if then I had “lost weight”, she would “consider” surgery.

I walked out, got into my car and sobbed. I had such high hopes for this appointment and wanted to feel better. I wanted to feel like a medical professional understood me, cared about me, wanted to help me as I had only been getting worse, and worse, and worse.

Instead, I was pushed out and told to make a follow up appointment in three months if things didn’t get better. They didn’t. They got worse. My girlfriend saw me start to wither away because I was exhausted. I couldn’t sleep. I continued to be in and out of the ER due to pain and heavy bleeding. I was only getting worse… and no one cared. emdo2

Three months later, I anxiously made my follow up call.

I spoke up, saying this doctor really was not the right fit for me and asked to see someone else.

The next doctor I saw changed my life entirely.

At that same appointment, the first time I met Dr. Hastings – she agreed surgery was what we needed to do. She sat and listened and watched as I cried, telling her about how no one wanted to help me, how my health was going downhill. I had been in and out of the ER several times in the past year because of endometriosis.

She told me as I left that she was going to help me get the relief I needed, the relief I deserved. That same day, she carried my file into the surgery coordinators office. I was told to call back if I hadn’t heard back in about a week. I walked out of the appointment stunned.

Time and time again, I had gotten my hopes up and had them crushed.

Time and time again, I was left to only get worse, worse, worse.

fight-songThree weeks later, when I got the phone call with my surgery date – I sat at my desk with “Fight Song” playing and cried. This was going to happen. I had a surgery date. I was on the road to recovery. I was on the road, waiting anxiously until my surgery date.


On August 12, 2016 – I walked into the outpatient surgery center, registered and sat anxiously to be called back to be be prepped for surgery. I had hardly slept the night before. I was anxious. I was worried. At the same time, I knew that I was in good hands. I had a doctor who cared about me and who wanted the best for me.

Oddly enough, I had found out just two days prior that my doctor would be having a collegue assist in the surgery. At first I was pissed when I found out who it was, but Dr. Hastings assured me that she would be doing most of the work and the assisting surgeon would be there only if needed. Who was this doctor? Yup. You guessed it. The one who called me fat and made it clear she didn’t want to treat me.

Going into it, I knew that there was a very real chance that I could end up with a larger incision. It was one of those things where we planned for it to be a last resort, but I also knew because of how sick I was – that it was a very real chance it would happen.

My mom came in and we took some pictures before they wheeled me back into the operating room.

The last thing I remember were the jellyfish floating around on the operating room, moving onto the operating table and the anesthesiologist telling me he was giving me some medication in my IV to calm me down before surgery started. I don’t remember anything after that.


20160812_104032 When I woke in recovery, I really had no idea what the fuck was going on. I don’t remember much, even two months later. My mom said I was in a lot of paint, but I don’t remember it.

I remember feeling gross. I vaguely remember my doctor coming in and giving me an overview of the surgery. I remember trying to focus on her and what she was saying but the only thing I could absorb was this:

“We had to do the larger incision, we got in there, and we realized we needed to open you up all the way. It was the best option and we were able to excise a lot of the disease, adhesions and scar tissue.”

What I didn’t know and understand at that point in time was just how sick I was.

I later learned that I was unable to be weaned off of the oxygen, and even with the oxygen, I was wheezing. My heart rate was sky high and eventually that started to come down as we found a pain medication to help… it didn’t last long once they had me up and moving.

img_0230They had gotten me stable enough they thought I could go home and removed the catheter. The nurses helped me into a wheelchair and took me into the bathroom to make sure I could urinate on my own. I remember clutching one of those barf bags in my hand, remembering how I threw up post op nine years ago with my first surgery.

The moment they got me up and started to get me back into the wheelchair, I nearly passed out and threw up.

It wasn’t too much later that they decided to admit me for the night for observation. I was still too sick, too unstable. I was upset, but I knew that this was the best option for me. I hated it. I wanted to go home. I wanted to be in my own bed. I knew I had to stay.

I surprised my nurses over the night 18 hours at how well I was up and moving on my own and how well I had begun to recover. I was still shaky, exhausted and sore. My blood sugar was high but my breathing and heart rate had finally stabilized. I blew those nurses away.

I proved to them, and myself, that I am a fighter. img_0059


It’s been two months now.

In a way, it seems like it was forever ago. What turned into what was supposed to be four one inch incisions, turned into a six inch incision and two months off of work while I recovered.

I had staples. I had a minor infection.

I sunk into a deep post op depression.

When I look back today, I don’t really think I grasped how this surgery was going to impact my life. I knew it would change a lot of things. I knew I would start to feel better as I got further and further into recovery, but I never really fully understand how different things would be.

img_0499I celebrated the day I had my staples removed (that entire experience had me terrified and on the edge of a panic attack, but it was over before I knew it with minimal pain. I felt so much better once those damn things were out).

I celebrated my first shower (thank god for shower chairs).

I celebrated as each steri strip began to fall off.

I took daily incision photos. img_0196

Every day, I started to notice a difference. Some days I slept more than others, I bled heavily for the first week post op. The day to day pain I remember before surgery wasn’t entirely gone… but the surgery had helped so much that I have only had two, maybe three days, where I’ve had to take the prescription strength pain meds.

It’s been a long two months. It feels like it’s been forever.

meI just went back to work last week (surprised my work kids – they had no idea I was even picking them up, much less coming back that day). It’s getting into a new routine. It’s learning that I still need to be gentle on my body. I’m still healing. I had major surgery with major complications. img_0115

It’s a period I shouldn’t be having and the endometriosis pain that comes along with it. Even with surgery, I knew I would still have pain. Remember, there is no cure for endometriosis. It is a daily battle, even with surgery making such a huge difference in my life already.

20160812_143019It’s learning that I still need to rest when my body is telling me to rest.

It’s learning that my body is still regaining the strength and energy I once had.

It’s pushing through the last of school and walking the stage for the local graduation ceremony – one month and three days after surgery. I walked across the stage and become a high school graduate.

It’s been healing – and it hasn’t been easy. It’s exhausting. It’s painful. There are days where I have to stay in bed and just listen my body and take care of myself.

A lot has changed in two months… I’ve come so far, and there’s even more to come as time passes.

Overall, it’s learning that my entire life has changed.20160915_191242

 

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Keep the Faith: How a PCOS Group Saved my Life

July 2, 2016 Katie A Chronic Illness, personal: health, Uncategorized 0 Comments

f85730b89d84c92fcefe4605d4a23549I was diagnosed with PCOS in September of 2015. It was eight months after I had been diagnosed with type two diabetes. Once again, I felt lost. I was scared. I was devastated. I felt like I was alone.

On top of all of that, I was told that becoming pregnant was something that would either not happen, or it would be very high risk (and the doctor who told me this, made it clear that it wasn’t the best option for me). Needless to say, by the time I got back into my car, I was a wreck.

For months, I had been staring at myself in the mirror – trying to figure out where this extra dark hair on my chin and neck were coming from. It was months of testing my blood sugar, taking medications and trying to hang in there.

I cried my entire way to work, cried at work and then cried even more when I got home from work. Eventually I calmed down and started searching for groups on Facebook. I was already in a few for chronic illnesses and spoonies, but now I needed to find a PCOS one that was right for me.

It was hard. There were so many of them. So freaking many.

A few hours later, I found myself reading up on a group called PCOS Positivity. I joined. I was hesitant to make that nerve wracking introduction post, but I did. I opened up and let these ladies into my life. I told them how lost I felt, how overwhelmed I was, that I wasn’t sure what to do, where to start or how to breathe through this new and scary diagnosis.

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In that group, I began to find myself. I had already been blogging about life and my health journey, but in this group, I was welcomed and I could share positive moments, welcome new members to the group, and grow into loving myself, encouraging others and seeing the love and positivity flourish in this group. I joined the group right in it’s infancy, and holy crap, we are now 6,000+ strong!

Let me tell you what this group has done for me:

The group has given me positive information about my diagnosis.

The group has welcomed me with open arms in one of the hardest times of my life (at that point in time, my life had become diagnosis after diagnosis).

The group challenged me to love myself, no matter how hard of a time I was having. These amazing ladies were always there for me.

I’ve met ladies I never would have met if I didn’t have this group, and so many of them have seen me at my worst, and my best.

I’ve seen the group grow, grow and grow some more. I’ve seen this group grow into a community of ladies who support each other, encourage each other and are there for each other.

I’ve seen how this group gathers around its members, spreading the love, opening up to the group about major life events or just when they really just need a friend.

I know that I am not alone in what this group has done for me. There’s thousands of us who call this group home, our family. There are thousands of us who found this group when they needed it. There are thousands of us who speak out about PCOS and raise awareness.

If I hadn’t found the group when I did, I don’t know where I would be today. It has had such an impact on my life and I’ve learned so much from it and the amazing ladies in the group. We’ve grown and grown and grown, we are entering a new phase and I cannot wait to continue to spread the love, positivity and inspiration that these ladies have given me.

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I’m Thankful For…

November 26, 2015 Katie A Chronic Illness, personal: health, personal: positively katie, personal: pretty girl and honey, personal: that spoonie life 1 Comment

63fa1ee0605af33d63d2f12b72130df9I know I haven’t blogged in awhile, but things have been a little bit wild here. I have been swamped with school and spent a day in the ER due to endometriosis complications.

On top of that, it’s been balancing work, family life and then being accepted into the online high school diploma program. It’s been a wild ride so far, but I’ve also been focused on self care and learning what may be “too much” for me. It’s a hard lesson, but one that I need to learn.

With today being Thanksgiving, I wanted to take some time out of my day to share what I am thankful for this year. I’ll be honest and say that yes, there have been some really bad days for me, where I wasn’t sure what would happen next – but there have been so many days where I can look back and see how much I have grown this year.

I’m thankful for…

My girlfriend: Mol, you mean the world to me. I cannot imagine my life without you and I am so incredibly in love with you. I am so excited for the future we are building together and I cannot wait to love you for the rest of my life. No matter what happens, we always have each other. You are my best friend and I am so incredibly thankful for you, and for us. IMG_1071

My friends and family: what would I do without you? You’ve seen me at my worst, you’ve seen me at my best. You’ve listened to me cry, you’ve stayed at my side throughout ER visits. You’ve supported me, encouraged me and were always there for me. You’ve seen me grow this year, you’ve seen me stumble. I am so thankful for all of you. My sisters, my brother, my parents, my grandmother. You mean so much to me and I cannot have come this far without you.

My health: it’s been such a rough year health wise with what seemed like a year of never ending diagnosis appointments, I am happy with where I am. This was the year that I was diagnosed with type two diabetes, polycystic ovarian syndrome and bipolar disorder.

It’s a lot. It’s a lot to absorb, to become used to. I’ve learned what triggers my blood sugar spikes, I’ve been on a handful of medications I’ve had to adjust to and I’ve had to learn to test my blood sugar. I’ve seen my A1C go from a 10.3 at diagnosis to a 6.9 at my last appointment.

My education: this is the year is the year that I applied to a high school diploma program and was accepted! I have kept a 4.0 GPA so far, and have completed three career courses and am waiting for the go ahead to continue since I just finished my last two “qualifying” courses.

Authors: so many of you have impacted my life. A few of you have become friends, you’ve supported me, encouraged me and have been there for me. You’ve taught me about myself, you’ve opened my eyes and your words have healed parts of me. Tamara and Courtney – you both mean so much to me and I am so incredibly grateful for all you have done for me. Your love, friendship and support get me through each day. I am so proud and honored to not just consider you friends, but a part of my family.

To my readers and the spoonie community – thank you. Thank you for being there for me, for listening and taking the time to catch up on my life, learn about my health conditions and to support me along the way. I am so happy with the direction my blog has taken this past year and I am thankful for each of you.

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On Chronic Illness, Friendships and Relationships

November 4, 2015 Katie A Chronic Illness, personal: health, personal: that spoonie life 2 Comments

Since I’ve become sick and have started living my day to day life with chronic illness, I’ve learned a lot. I’ve learned how strong I am, how much of a fight I have in me, that I can reach my goals, that I’ll have the good days and the bad days. I’ve learned that in order to be healthy and happy – I have to take care of myself.

I’ve also learned a lot about friendships.

And look, it hasn’t been easy.

People I thought would always be in my life, left.

Friends I thought I could trust, I can’t.

People I’ve loved dearly have left me behind, unable it seems, to deal with the plans life has thrown at me.

I’ve been broken, beaten and let down.

I’ve been dragged into situations that had nothing to do with me, torn apart and made to look like the bad guy. I’ve had people blatantly try to sabotage relationships and my own happiness.

I’ve had people I thought would be at my wedding, leave me behind. I’ve said goodbye to more people than I thought I ever would – but…

d478419b81e7d67abdd275e78281880fI learned that letting go is something I have to do to not only be healthy, but to be happy. I cannot sit around and let that negativity into my life. I struggle day in and day out as it is. I cannot let toxic people invade my space, try to silence me and try to ruin my own happiness.

Instead, I stood up. I stood up to the negativity. I stood up to toxic friendships that I let linger for far too long. I used my voice, one that had almost been taken from me. My own voice, that had been censored.

I had been told through others, that by speaking up, by venting and letting my own frustrations out in my own safe place, that I was stirring up trouble. I wasn’t going to allow my voice to be taken from me. I never will. 2a81792fdda015b2b760d614afa4f747

Instead, I severed ties.

I did what I had to do. I did what I had to do for my own health. I let go because having that negativity in my life means I can’t chase my happiness to the fullest. It meant that I would always be walking on glass, paranoid and ready for it to shatter all around me.

No matter what life has thrown at me, my own health and happiness matters the most. I refuse to be drawn into the drama, into the toxic and negative lives others thrive on. I refuse to be silenced.

I’m a fighter. I’m fighting for my health and my own happiness.

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Positively Katie: New Beginnings, New Meds and New Hopes

November 1, 2015 Katie A personal: anxiety, personal: bipolar disorder, personal: health, personal: highs and lows, personal: mental health, personal: positively katie, personal: pretty girl and honey, personal: psychiatry, personal: that spoonie life, personal: therapy 0 Comments

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YOU GUYS. This week has been kinda crazy, but most of it in good ways. I’ve been fairly busy this week, but still struggling with the endometriosis. I’m surviving, but still pushing through this flare.

highs: CANDY! Seriously. I bought all the best candy for Halloween. I knew we wouldn’t have many kids show up, so I got all the family favorites. Good thing, too. We only had two kids show last night. TWO.

FaceTime dates! Every time we laughed until we cried, we talked about some stuff we are both dealing with, talked about our future… it’s the best way to spend my evenings. I am so so lucky and in love.

Interviews…. what can I say here. It wasn’t a job interview. This summer I applied for a local high school diploma program and completed the qualifying process. I didn’t know when I’d heard more as it’s all state funded and based on grants, so I was surprised to see an e-mail asking me to schedule my IN PERSON INTERVIEW for the program.

I just got home from that and I am just so amazed, so excited and just… it’s overwhelming. It’s a dream come true and I am so thankful for this opportunity. It’s something I have wanted to do for a long, long time. 6cbf532a2c119171d6589ef556030310

I still have a final qualifying course to complete once I get the e-mail telling me to start (next week or two, I was told) and need to complete it (two parts) in a month, from there I am officially ENROLLED to work as a high school student and earn my diploma. 9106387b2fd29a4a2136b332a7a30150

Mental health… I have graduated to every two months for visits with my psychiatrist! She is thrilled with my progress over the last five months, so we are keeping my mood stabilizer at it’s current dose and upped the dose of my sleep meds, but I am thrilled with this progress.

lows: anxiety about that interview… especially last night and just minutes before it. I thought of taking an anxiety pill, but I didn’t and I am feeling much better. Once the interview started and all, I felt so much better and confident.

Endometriosis…. this is the flare that never ends. Let’s just leave it at that.

 

1Overall, a great week with a lot of exciting things ahead! I’ll leave you with a photo I took after my interview today. I got all dressed up for the interview and was (still am) feeling amazing!

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Reaching the Surface

October 31, 2015 Katie A personal: anxiety, personal: bipolar disorder, personal: health, personal: mental health, personal: psychiatry, personal: therapy 2 Comments

09e01f3406b1a67399504f3e6b3022a2When I became a patient at EH this past summer, I stepped into the doors full of anxiety, fear and uncertainty. I didn’t know what treatment would be like, I didn’t know anyone there.

All I knew was that I needed help.

The same afternoon I began therapy, I began seeing a psychiatrist. I started seeing LP once a month and we began the process of finding medications that would work for me.

I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder, as well as bipolar disorder. We were already treating my depression through my primary care doctor, but LP kept lines of communication open and said if I needed a different medication, she would help me find it.

She was there to help. She wanted to help me get my feet back on the ground, to begin to feel like myself again.

It was overwhelming. Draining. Scary.

It was a lot all at once.

I trudged through, I adjusted to medication, increased dosages, changed medication and finally. . . after nearly six months, I walked into her office yesterday morning for our monthly meeting.

Seeing the smile on her face when I told her how I was doing, how I was adjusting to the change in dosage of the mood stabilizer made everything come into focus. Even now, I’m smiling.

For so long, I had told myself that I would always feel that way, that I’d always be numb, cold and sinking under the weight of depression. LP and my therapist CY have been amazing. I have a support team, these two cheer me on, listen to my struggles and encourage me.

They ask the hard questions.

They ask how I’m doing, and expect me to answer with exactly how I feel. I have to. If I don’t, I won’t be able to keep taking steps forward. If means changing medications over and over, adjusting to new ones – it’s something I have to do.

When I sat in LP’s office yesterday, I never expected her to tell me this:

“You are doing really, really well. You’ve graduated to the next step, the mood stabilizer is obviously working for you right now at it’s current dose. I think our next step is to graduate you to coming in to see me every two months.”

Wait, what?

Really?

It was not something I expected, and yet, I felt a weight lift off of me. I didn’t feel the anxiety sink in. I knew that if I need to come in sooner, that LP is there. They’ll fit me in and we can take things from there.

For now, I am enjoying this milestone. I’m proud of myself for getting this far, for fighting through the worst days, sinking under depression and losing part of myself.

All these little steps I started to take in July led me to today. Slowly but surely, I am starting to reach the surface – I fight the bad days, I fight when depression rears its head and tries to push me back down under it’s weight.

I’ve come so far already, and reaching the surface just a tiny bit is a breath of fresh air. I’m not sinking anymore.

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Fact Friday: Endometriosis

October 30, 2015 Katie A Chronic Illness, personal: fact friday, personal: health, personal: that spoonie life 0 Comments

I guess I’m on a roll for these new features, but it’s fun and something to focus on when I have nothing else to do.

This week I wanted to give a quick, five fact breakdown for one of my biggest health challenges – endometriosis.

  1. MayoClinic describes endometriosis as:

Endometriosis (en-doe-me-tree-O-sis) is an often painful disorder in which tissue that normally lines the inside of your uterus — the endometrium — grows outside your uterus (endometrial implant). Endometriosis most commonly involves your ovaries, bowel or the tissue lining your pelvis. Rarely, endometrial tissue may spread beyond your pelvic region.

In endometriosis, displaced endometrial tissue continues to act as it normally would — it thickens, breaks down and bleeds with each menstrual cycle. Because this displaced tissue has no way to exit your body, it becomes trapped. When endometriosis involves the ovaries, cysts called endometriomas may form. Surrounding tissue can become irritated, eventually developing scar tissue and adhesions — abnormal tissue that binds organs together.

Endometriosis can cause pain — sometimes severe — especially during your period. Fertility problems also may develop. Fortunately, effective treatments are available.

2.There is NO CURE for endometriosis. Yep, you heard me. NO. CURE. That means this condition will never go away. There are treatments for it (and I’ve tried several) but as with any medication or treatment approach – what may work for you, may not work for me.

3. The biggest symptom and indicator many women have is:

The primary symptom of endometriosis is pelvic pain, often associated with your menstrual period. Although many women experience cramping during their menstrual period, women with endometriosis typically describe menstrual pain that’s far worse than usual. They also tend to report that the pain has increased over time. 

4. I deal with the pain by pain medication, rest, hot baths or heating pads. No, this doesn’t always help. Sometimes it brings enough relief that I can get some rest, but lately – that’s impossible. I’ve had several doctor appointments and several ER trips this past summer because my symptoms have only worsened.

5. The most effective treatment for me? Has been my first and only surgery. I had a laparoscopy done about eight years ago and what endometriosis was found was removed and I had quite a bit of relief for awhile. Now that it’s been several years, my symptoms are worse – right back to where they were before my operation. I’m hoping that I’ll be able to have another soon so that I can have somewhat of a normal life.

If you have any other questions, don’t hesitate to ask! Hopefully this post has helped explain some of what I go through with endo.

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Positively Katie

October 25, 2015 Katie A Chronic Illness, personal: health, personal: highs and lows, personal: positively katie 0 Comments

8fb9f982df577e98979283c1bb6071e2Back in the day when I was involved in the high school youth group at my former church, we always began our Sunday mornings by getting coffee and snacks at the local cafe and then coming back to our room. We’d sit on the floor or wherever we felt comfortable and then our leader would open it up.

We always started with our highs and lows of the week. We’d each share our own, and sometimes we’d talk about them further or answer any questions. At first, I was so hesitant to share mine. At this point in time, I was knee deep in depression and living in an unhealthy (and unsafe) environment. I didn’t want to speak up. I was scared.

What those memories bring back to me is how freeing it was to share what was going on in my life. The good days, the bad days, the really bad days. It was a safe place to talk to others my age, I had trusted adults around me and even though I felt like I didn’t fit in (let’s face it: I didn’t. I wasn’t popular, “pretty” or outgoing), I had a chance to share what I was going through in a safe environment.

That’s why this week, during a bad week – I wanted to start the weekly highs and lows. Not only for myself to look back on, but as a way to connect with everyone, to share what I’m facing, and to hear from you.

What did my week shape up as?

highs: my birthday... I celebrated quite a bit for my birthday this week. Work spoiled me, I spoiled myself, I got to go to Monterey with my sister, lunch with my sister and one of my best friends and my dad. I indulged (maybe too much?) with some of my favorite things and food. 12074756_695009221797_1570833329665519035_n

FaceTime dates with my gorgeous girl. 11051977_676444690267_4307485438757227096_nWe had a few of them this week, and each of them had moments where we laughed until we cried. Mostly over ridiculous things, but I wouldn’t trade these moments for anything. We also made a big decision last night but I’m keeping it a secret.

On my birthday, I had posted something on Instagram and was greeted with a comment that I never thought I’d get. It was from one of my childhood best friends that I’d lost touch with over the last couple of years. As you can imagine, it was a flood of emotions and we exchanged phone numbers and have started to catch up. I’m still crying happy tears over this and I am so thankful she is back in my life.

lows: insomnia. Good lord, it’s been horrible this week. It’s gotten to the point where my entire sleep schedule is now thrown off because of it. It’s a mess. I’m so tired and so frustrated and just want to sleep.

Endometriosis…. yeah, no. I’m still mad. My period showed up out of nowhere when I am not supposed to have it and left me in bed for most of the week. I couldn’t go to class because not only was I exhausted, but I was in so much pain. It got to the point where I ended up having to take some heavy painkillers, and I hate doing that as often as I did this week.

Friendships breaking apart… eh. I’m still mad, but I cut them out of my life as they were nothing but toxic. I was dragged into something that had nothing to do with me in the first place, and lets just say, I went off on those responsible and proceeded to block them from every social media outlet I’m active on. It was a mess and frustrating.

Overall, I think it was a pretty good week. I was upset over missing so much class, but it gave me the chance (and forced me) to learn that I have to take care of myself, and not too push myself too hard.

8475f00924944443a11e015d8cd3edadThe good days won over the bad days, and even though I struggled a bit this week – I did the best I could and got on my feet and kept fighting, kept moving and kept going. I didn’t give up.

 

 

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