Since I’ve become sick and have started living my day to day life with chronic illness, I’ve learned a lot. I’ve learned how strong I am, how much of a fight I have in me, that I can reach my goals, that I’ll have the good days and the bad days. I’ve learned that in order to be healthy and happy – I have to take care of myself.
I’ve also learned a lot about friendships.
And look, it hasn’t been easy.
People I thought would always be in my life, left.
Friends I thought I could trust, I can’t.
People I’ve loved dearly have left me behind, unable it seems, to deal with the plans life has thrown at me.
I’ve been broken, beaten and let down.
I’ve been dragged into situations that had nothing to do with me, torn apart and made to look like the bad guy. I’ve had people blatantly try to sabotage relationships and my own happiness.
I’ve had people I thought would be at my wedding, leave me behind. I’ve said goodbye to more people than I thought I ever would – but…
I learned that letting go is something I have to do to not only be healthy, but to be happy. I cannot sit around and let that negativity into my life. I struggle day in and day out as it is. I cannot let toxic people invade my space, try to silence me and try to ruin my own happiness.
Instead, I stood up. I stood up to the negativity. I stood up to toxic friendships that I let linger for far too long. I used my voice, one that had almost been taken from me. My own voice, that had been censored.
I had been told through others, that by speaking up, by venting and letting my own frustrations out in my own safe place, that I was stirring up trouble. I wasn’t going to allow my voice to be taken from me. I never will.
Instead, I severed ties.
I did what I had to do. I did what I had to do for my own health. I let go because having that negativity in my life means I can’t chase my happiness to the fullest. It meant that I would always be walking on glass, paranoid and ready for it to shatter all around me.
No matter what life has thrown at me, my own health and happiness matters the most. I refuse to be drawn into the drama, into the toxic and negative lives others thrive on. I refuse to be silenced.
I’m a fighter. I’m fighting for my health and my own happiness.